GRACE'S MUSINGS: Are beauty filters making us invisible again?

Many of us carry unrealistic expectations about how an ageing face should look. Why? It’s partly because the traditional beauty industry runs on anti-ageing hype – so the faces we’re seeing in ads and on screen are rarely un-messed-with. And we want to hang on to that dream of youth – however illusory the images we see.

It’s not just Big Pharma that’s peddling the myth – social media has a part to play too. When we’re constantly fed TikTok and Instagram filters that promise perfection – smoothing out creases, plumping up lips and evening skin tone – it’s easy to forget what unfiltered ageing actually looks like. We’ve gone from miracle creams to miraculous effects. And none of it is real. What does it mean for us? Well, when a touch of the screen can delete every line, aren’t we pretty much deleting midlife women from cultural visibility, fuelling the myth all over again that beauty equals youth, and nothing more?

TV star Ulrika Jonsson unwittingly touched on this a couple of weeks ago when she responded to criticism about how she looked in a podcast interview for Untapped with Spencer Matthews. She was talking about her first year of sobriety – a very big deal. But alongside the positive comments about her achievement, she noted that people had a lot to say about her tanned face: “and how OLD I look… I have uneven pigmentation doubtlessly not helped by ageing. I sometimes use filters in my pics because it’s easier than foundation and less painful.”

Her response was both frank and refreshing: “I understand that an over-tanned, imperfect and AGEING face offends you. But try to listen to the words rather than constantly judge women’s appearance. You might learn something.”

We know social media thrives on curation and filters. Influencers show us the highlight reel, often without the behind-the-scenes. And even when we know it’s filtered, there’s still a small part of us that follows our favourite celebs on Instagram and quietly wishes we looked as good as they do. We forget the “tweakments” they might have had – and the filters they’ve applied. And then we become dissatisfied with our own faces because we’ve forgotten what real ageing looks like.

As an older woman, I want to see other older women reflected online – not airbrushed versions, but real women with lived-in beauty. I want to see women like me. I want us to be more visible, to be represented. But if we’re all using filters that give us the skin and jawline of a 25-year-old, doesn’t that mean we’re not seeing older women at all? That we are, in fact, making ourselves invisible all over again?

Sure, there are moments when I wish that I looked more like the filtered version of myself in real life. But I accept that I don’t, because I’m no longer 25. I’m a woman in my prime, with all the wisdom, the experience – and the laughter lines – that go with that. Some days I may not totally love my wrinkles, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to see them on other women.

So let’s befriend our real faces. Let’s love them, cherish them, and do everything we can to feel comfortable with them: whether that’s wearing the best foundation for mature skin, reaching for a bright red lipstick, trying out facial massage or proudly going make-up free. I don’t want us to be invisible in midlife: I want us to shine.